Pearls of wisdom from down under

So books save my life. Always have, always will. Gabby Bernstein’s The Universe Has Your Back-says it all in the title. I had the honor of seeing Gabby speak live at a conference in 2013 and her presence was palpable. I immediately connected with her and her message. Little did I know it would take me three hellacious years to come out the other side, in no small part to her and to the Universe. There’s a lot more I will be saying on my journey with her message and how its impacted my life in a BIG way, but it’s election night and I'm gonna keep it light and mostly dumb. And by mostly I mean completely… Our Founding Fathers might be blushing in the grave from how many times our country has publicly uttered the word ‘Pussy’ over the course of this election. They might even ask what the hell does an innocent pussy cat have to do with a presidential election? Oh by pussy that means vagina…got it…wait no still don't get what THAT has to do with an Erection heh heh I mean Election… I assume the Founding Fathers had the humor of a prepubescent boy. Anyways I digress.

So in honor of this election, I'm here to talk about my very own Vajeen. There’s a sentence I never imagined typing.

Last Thursday I had my annual OBGYN visit booked. I called the office before leaving my house to confirm the appt. and was told that my doctor was actually not in today and they forgot to call me to let me know. They did however have a midwife named Ursula who could see me. In my new state of “go with the universe girl, maybe this will be a good thing” I said um ok?

-Actual first thoughts when they said I was going to see a midwife named Ursula…darling it's better down where it's wetter take it from true Sebastian. So true.

So, off I went for my clam shell to be pried open and sent a quick prayer that I would fare better than my fellow sister Ariel had.

Ursula ended up being a lovely 61 year old german woman, and not a sea monster. Close call. After going over my history and getting to know each other very intimately, Ursula had some parting words of wisdom. And I didn't even have to pay with the price of my voice! (just my dignity that was on the floor alongside my pants). Sweet Ursula kept telling me in a very serious tone- I'm a beautiful person, to keep the faith, and hopes I find a good man and relationship. Amen sister and Right on Universe!

...She also hoped I was seeing a doctor for my brain i.e. Therapist. I assured her I was and upon further reflection imagine I was screaming out to her 1. I'm emotionally unstable AND 2. I need to get laid...honestly fixing number problem 2 might cure problem number 1

....lessons learned all around.

‘Murica! Freedom of Speech! You're welcome for the unsolicited Vagina Monologue. Like Ursula says keep the faith! We’re all gonna be just fine…