Ah slowness. A word I used to despise. I'm a fire sign and that is what has always coursed through me. A need to hurry up and get “there”, a fear of running out of time, a feeling of having to do twenty things at once or else nothing would get accomplished. And this fiery energy has gotten me far. It has given me some of my best qualities. Perseverance, Resilience, Passion for life, Grit. So why was it that deep within my soul I was calling out for another way? Lately my physical body has not so subtly demanded slowness. Unable to walk, drive, or really leave my second floor apartment, I begrudgingly slowed way the fuck down.
. And I loved it. Psych! It made me want to tear out what was left of my hair that had already all fallen out from stress. Bodies are fun y’all! Eventually though, I started to notice my mind was craving the stillness that my body demanded and had carved out for us. Less appointments each day and filling of the hours. Less busyness and chaos. Just, less. I started to pay attention and discovered that the more anxious I was feeling, you know that swirly feeling in your brain, that nervous jittery energy? The internal version of “are we there yet? are we there yet? how about now? Mom I have to peee! He’s hitting me!” Well, whatever I was doing in that exact moment, I would consciously take a deep breath and make myself go even slower. if I was typing emails I would force myself to type slower, grounding myself in the action, and therefore the present moment. If five different people were texting me, expecting answers to their questions, I would make myself put down my phone, pause, sip some water, then slowly answer one at a time. This was painful at first, when everything seemed urgent, how could I possibly slow down? But shockingly, the slower I went, the more time expanded. Suddenly my huge to do list was easily accomplished in that same one hour. All because I slowed down, focusing on one task at a time. Fully. Time didn't change, but my focus, clarity, and peace did.
. I’ll admit, I still find myself baffled on peaceful days. Once the slower days you longed for roll in it’s almost like you don’t know what to do with them. But I’ll take not knowing what to do with a peaceful day over not knowing what to do with a chaotic day, anytime. Thank you for this peace, the stillness, the spaciousness. That is what slowness allows for I’ve realized. Space. Expansion. Possibility. All aboard.